The Bewitching Alchemist
by Magician of Blue
Summary: Lily Potter met Edward Elric and Alphonse Elric one winter on her Sixth Year when the elderly pair are in Cokeworth. Her family offered the elderly men refuge from winter and this act of kindness got Al to teach Lily Alchemy. They kept in touch. Then when the Potters are being threatened, Lily asked her mentors for help. Hide her daughter. NonGWL! Genderflip!Harry FMA X-Over
1. Chapter 1

The two Alchemists

Edward Elric and Alphonse Elric, two middle-aged Alchemists at ages 54 and 53 respectively who wandered about and got around in Earth, never staying around in one place, since arriving to Earth at 1941...months before WWII occurred. Then there's the cultist group Thule Society at 1943 who wants to 'Conquer Shamballa' which was actually, their beliefs of THEIR world and to close the portal, someone must work on both sides. But Al chose to be with his older brother before the gate could fully close.

They never belonged in this world where Alchemy does not exist. A bane to the two Alchemists, thus after learning about the culture of Earth and its many languages, they never stayed around in one place for long...for how can they? They're not normal. And they are unable to live without Alchemy, thus isolated themselves from people as many years went by after making sure they are far away from World War II's effects, going as far as hiding in South America for it. The only thing that kept the brothers sane, was each other and their friend Noah, whom Edward soon married and she became Alphonse's sister-in-law. Due to being outcasts(the brothers never belonged while Noah was shunned simply for her ethnicity), Their bond as family were forged into steel out of isolation and loneliness that they missed home so much and can never be with anyone in Earth outside Noah who knows what they are and where they were really from. However, twenty years into their marriage, Noah fell critically ill from Cholera and died, childless due to their way of life from wandering around, and Edward nearly broke from her loss, and Alphonse managed to keep him away from alcohol using himself as Ed's reason to live. Ed was also Al's reason to live as all they have, is each other when Noah died, the only family they both have in Earth.

One day, at year 1977, Winter struck hard and they were on the road.

'Brother, will you be OK?' Alphonse asked his brother worriedly. Due to automail, Ed is very worse off than a normal human, something Al is after Ed's sacrifice.

'I-I'll be fine Al, really.' Edward choked out as he was freezing down to his bones. 'I'll be...fi...' and he collapsed.

'Brother!' Alphonse cried hysterically. His older brother has it hard during extreme weather conditions due to his automail prosthetics that causes him to be affected by temperature twice as much compared to ordinary humans. 'Hang on, I'll find someone to help us...' he choked as he picked his brother up and their suitcase. He moved his way through three feet of snow below his legs so he parted the snow getting in his way using Alchemy, and he has no trouble but time is racing against him. Because his brother is two-times more prone to frostbite and hypothermia.

Alphonse knocked hard on the door. 'Someone! Someone please help!' Alphonse cried as a young girl answered the door who appeared to be in her teens. 'My brother is terribly ill from Hypothermia, we need a warm place for the night!' he begged frantically.

'Muuum! DAD! I need help!' the teenage girl cried upon sensing from the old man how bad the situation is from the person he was carrying.

xxx

'Oh dear...the reason for him being like this is because of his metal prosthetics?' just-as-middle-aged Mr. Evans asked to Alphonse.

'Yeah...no thanks to World War II, brother lost his limbs due to accidentally stepping on mines when we were your daughter's age.' that was their cover story. 'Luckily our father is a scientist. Just that, father's research on automail has high abuse potential, particularly from immortal-wannabes who wants to be immortal by being a cyborg, a body that never ages.' said Al wryly. 'So father never got his research patented for the sake of humanity and only allowed us to keep it for brother's sake. Just that...he's affected two-times more compared to us humans by extreme temperatures...like now.' he said somberly. 'We guard father's secret. We can't go to hospitals either due to this.'

'I see...must be rough on you boys.' said Mrs. Evans, shaking her head. 'You two can stay with us until Edward recovers. Until then, he stays near the fireplace.'

'Thank you very much.' said Alphonse gratefully. 'I'll take the couch.'

And so, Al took care of his brother with help from the Evans Family. On the third day, Alphonse witnessed something incredible from the younger Evans girl, Lily.

She could do magic. He saw her playing with flowers that rapidly blossomed as an indoor plant during winter. 'That's a pretty cool trick, Lily.' Lily meeped as she looked frantically at Al. 'We can't do something like that because our case is uh...different.'

'Different?' Lily blinked owlishly and a bit warily. Her power is something only family and close friends knew.

'Yes. Watch.' Al clapped his hands and touched the living room carpet and the design changed, causing Lily's jaws to drop.

'W-whaaa?!'

'That, my dear, is Alchemy.' Al grinned. 'You have potential. Brother will nag at me for teaching you, but I just can't let this talent go.'

'But Mr. Al, I'm going to Magic School.' said Lily. 'I can't stay here for long unless its holidays.' she moaned out at losing an opportunity.

'Then we'll meet every holiday. How's that? The least I can do as compensation since your parents are paying for Edward's care.' Al talked about this with the Evans' Family as his way of repaying them for Edward's care and no, he's not charging holiday fees. Education is free of charge.

And why not? It's free and Alchemy looks cool in Mr. Evans' opinion.

While caring for Edward in the living room, Al taught Lily how to draw the energy needed from Alchemy, and about transmutation circles needed for different types of Alchemy on the elements of Metal, Fire, Wind, Water, Earth, and then other more circles for combining elements. He advised her to study hard on elements, chemistry, elemental compositions and combinations in order to create something from another by laws of Equivalent Exchange, Conservation of Mass, Law of Providence, in order to comprehend, deconstruct and reconstruct. The proper application of this craft requires not only a full understanding of chemistry and ancient alchemical theory and runes, but also a sort of natural talent towards recognizing and manipulating the physical objects with energy, which require uncommon levels of intelligence and aptitude.

Five more days later, Ed woke up and the first thing he saw? Al teaching a girl Alchemy. He panicked instantly. 'Al! You're teaching Alchemy?!' he sputtered. 'Didn't we swear to never teach Alchemy to anyone due to high abuse potential by today's modern society?!'

'We did but I just couldn't let Lily's potential go, brother.' said Al. 'She could draw the power needed for Alchemy and I saw her the other day using plants...but she's no ordinary human either. You see...' Al explained about the Wizarding World to Ed, Hogwarts, his student is a Witch who has talent for Alchemy. She could very well be the first Witch Alchemist and be a legend. So Ed reluctantly led Al teach Lily because it was Al's way of paying the family for his care. Thus every school days, they live in an abandoned building they claimed for themselves, only living off of the Evans' Family for food and some socializing.

When Lily graduated from Hogwarts, she asked Edward and Alphonse to live with her and her boyfriend James Potter, a pureblood wizard because her apprenticeship with Al wasn't over yet, and James was training hard to be an Auror in order to protect his future family with Lily from the Civil War caused by Pureblood Supremacy and Lily was training hard as an Alchemist. Ed gave her a metal ring that has a circle on it, and Al gave her a locket that hid a circle so she can quickly cast Alchemy with no need for drawing circles. And with training from both brothers, the couple proved to be very troublesome to Death Eaters...before marrying as Lily got pregnant around November 1980. The wedding was a rushed and hushed affair, witnessed only by close friends. In a muggle church to boot.

Due to Alchemy, Lily became a famous Wandless Magic User and a Transfiguration Specialist. Hah! If only they knew the truth!

James does, but Lily made him SWEAR not to reveal her alchemy abilities due to high abuse potential if learned by the wrong people. Not even to his best friends and forced him into an Oath, as Alchemy was also their secret weapon in fast-catching Death Eaters. Needless to say with effortless live catching, a lot of people are arrested and on Ed's advice, for James to fully use his powers as Lord Potter to make sure the goons they catch stay in prison after a fair Trial and Bail is NOT an option as when Lily gets...rounder in her pregnancy, she can no longer help him out.

Something James followed in dark glee because the sooner they're behind bars, the sooner he can have a happy ending and happy marital bliss with his wife. Thus he also involved himself in politics with a convincing logic game he planned with his family every arrest and pending Trials.

However, when war escalated, Lily did something not even James knows about, after the couple was confronted with a Prophecy. Accompanied by the brothers, she went to Gringotts to make her will regarding her baby and guardianship to the Elric Brothers as she could not count on anyone else...and she gave birth in St. Mungos to a baby girl, Helena Potter.

xxx

'What? You mean you transferred guardianship to Ed and Al?' James blurted incredulously to his wife a week after giving birth.

'I did what I have to do James, just incase.' said Lily. 'We are active fighters in the war just so our baby girl can happily live without looking over her shoulder every minute!' she cried. 'I know Sirius is Godfather but what if he also kicks it? And there's no way I'll give guardianship to _Petunia_, she hates me! At least with Ed and Al, Ellie can grow up a normal child! However, I need your help to authorize building a safe house for them to live out of UK.'

'I say Japan.' said Ed. 'The further away, the better. Just contact us when war is over and we'll bring home the li'l tyke. And only the four of us should know our plans, too, for safety measures.'

James got cowed. A prophecy over their heads and death on their heels? After some planning, ending in a dummy baby created by both magic and Alchemy(this time, its a body. They did not attempt life alchemy lest they end up losing parts on the Gate again). To 'animate' the dummy baby, they used the Imperius Curse on James' spare wand while the Elric Brothers hid in Japan with little Helena.

Halloween, 1981...they got word from Gringotts that James and Lily were murdered, as well as the murder of the dummy baby that exploded, killing Voldemort, causing everyone in UK to think that the Potter Line is dead after a horrifying gruesome murder of the child...until the Goblins said otherwise and revealed that the Potters pulled the wool on everyone for the safety of their daughter in anonymous guardians they explicitly trusted, and the Potters were in fact, using a dummy baby that doubled as an explosive that will explode if a Dark Magic Practitioner is nearby within room space around the dummy that effectively killed Voldemort from powerful explosions that also blew up the Potter Family Home.

The war ended by Marauder Trickery, with the Potters being a prankster to the bitter end using a 'complicated bit of magic'. The Potters were heroes, with the Ministry viciously hunting down Death Eaters with renewed vigor now that the Dark Lord is blown to bits. So is his wand that was in three pieces when found.

So is poor Lily Potter's corpse when found.

xxx

Japan, Year 1991...in a provincial town outside Tokyo...

11 year old Helena Potter faced her two uncles, Edward and Alphonse Elric in the living room. The two men being 66 and 65 respectively. But being martial artists who kept in top form, lived healthy and were in a life of constant training and education, they hardly looked 60s. In fact, they appeared...20 years younger than what their age suggests.

Helena grew up in a happy, yet isolated childhood. Her life consisted of knowing how to read and write, mathematics, physical training, martial arts, free-running and acrobatics, and Alchemy. She also learned about her heritage as a witch, who her parents and family are, and the mannerisms of a noble befitting her lineage. Except she was never spoiled. She was also taught what to watch out for upon reaching Hogwarts. Due to her training-from-hell, she was taller than her age and very physically fit. The only thing she got from her parents, was the black hair and unique shade of green eyes that were her mother's. Her face and skin was nowhere from both parents nor grandparents but she is still a fairly attractive child. She also has frequent Dental Visits so her teeth were straight, white and healthy.

'Sooo in short,' said Ed. 'Enjoy school, be careful, and kick their ass!' he grinned.

'Brother!' Al chided.

'What, her parents are heroes.' said Ed wryly. 'Due to that, the children of the Death Eaters Lily and James chucked to the slammer are no doubt, groomed by their relatives to make her life miserable! That's why I said kick their ass!' Helena sweatdropped. 'Moreover, do your own thing. Do not do what everyone wants you and expects you should do. Your life isn't theirs, so don't let them map out your life for you. Make your own decisions and choose friends wisely. VERY wisely. Some may be after you for fame and some may be after you so they can stab you later. Or some just wants your secrets in Alchemy. A big NO.'

'Yes uncle.'

'Well, we're going to move to UK now.' said Ed. 'Let's get packing and sell this house to Gringotts so we can move into a safe house in UK. Closer to Hogwarts and the sooner we can do our shopping. I got the list from the account manager.'

With that, they left Japan, their first home after so many years.


	2. Chapter 2

Native Land

August 5 1991...

Ed, Al and Helena are in England, having just arrived. They rented a hotel in two rooms. A room of two for men and one room for a young girl.

'I hate planes, its official.' said Helena moodily as she threw herself on the couch, having jetlag.

'You're telling me, I hate the damn plane but its loads faster than a ship.' said Ed just as annoyed at having to put up with conflicting body clocks.

'Let's just sleep guys, I'm sooo tired.' Al moaned as they dragged themselves to their rooms, and lights out...even though it was the middle of the day. That night at dinner, they ordered Deliveries to their room, too weary to go out.

They just had a bad case.

And next day when their body clocks re-adjusted...

'OK, this is your first trip into a portion of your home community.' Al told Helena. 'Normally, muggles like us can't go near magical settlements, but we can when we're with a magical, and that means you.' he said as they went to Charing Cross Road by taxi and headed for the Leaky Cauldron. 'Only then will magical settlements be visible to us and the anti-human magic won't deter us away. Your mom taught us that.'

'Ohhh...so what's it like inside? Something like fantasy land?' Helena asked her guardians hopefully with stars in her eyes, but Edward snorted.

'Hell no. These people had not heard of architectural developments, or the term 'squeaky clean'. Its more like slums areas. I had just as much expectation like you and dang, Al and I are damn disappointed. The only thing that speaks 'magic' are their items and spells.' Helena looked crestfallen. When they went inside the Leaky, he wasn't kidding. It was a dingy pub. 'Yo, barman!' Ed called out. 'Can ya open the gate?'

'I know you two...' the hunchbacked old barman croaked. 'I've seen you with Lily some years ago.' and his eyes fell on Helena, and recognized a particular feature on her. Lily Potter's unique eyes. 'Merlin's beard! Is she...?!'

'You're one smart man, unlike others Mr. Tom.' Al smiled. 'But please do not broadcast it. I'd rather her first day here be hassle free away from the annoyance called fame.'

'That, and that Skater woman-' Ed put his cents in,

'It's _Sk**ee**ter_, brother. Skeeter.' Al corrected him in a deadpan voice. Tom sweatdropped.

'Whatever,' Ed said dismissively and waving it away. '-we'd rather not have that woman sensationalize our mere arrival here when we're here to do shopping!' Ed grumbled irritably.

'Um, right...I'll open the gate.' Tom stammered out as he quickly hobbled to be in front of them to open the brick wall path. After thanking Tom, the two went to Gringotts first. It was a Grecian-style white building and its easy to see. Nobody would ever miss it. As for Diagon Alley? Damn, she's disappointed! The brothers noted her disappointment by how she looked alone.

'I know how you feel kid.' Ed chuckled, patting her head. 'Then again, this is a big, whammy lesson that says never expect too much. The more you expect the more you get disappointed.'

'Right.' said Helena gloomily, hitodamas floating around her head. Upon entering Gringotts, she remarked, 'At least the bank isn't behind times regarding architecture and style. Why can't wizards follow?' she whined. 'It looks like slums out there! Slums!'

'Ask the dipshits outside the bank or the government is too fucking cheap for street overhaul. Guess what country won't see fucking tourists for the next millennia. They're a fucking turn-off for any tourist from foreign countries.'

'Brother! Language around her, will you!' Al chided. One would think that raising a child would tone down Ed's potty mouth, but nooo...and Helena picked up some, just that out of consideration for Al, she won't go potty mouth around him. Only around Ed and it took him a while to notice.

Upon getting their turn, Ed presented a small gold key to the Teller and leaned down to whisper, 'Potter Trust Fund please.' the goblin looked at the key critically.

'Seems to be in order,' he said. 'GRIPHOOK!' he called out as another goblin came. 'Escort this party to Vault 687.'

'Right, this way sirs and ma'am.' said Griphook the Goblin as he led them to fancy-looking Mine Carts designed for a ride.

'We're riding our way to my vault?' Helena blinked.

'You'd be shocked at how deep this place is.' said Al as they got into the cart. 'The first time your mom took us here just to get business sorted out, it was a fun thrill ride!' he said with a beaming smile. 'The only bank that gives rides!'

'The deeper your vault is, the more security!' Ed grinned. 'I hear some morons who try and rob are left unchecked because they die of starvation and thirst, unable to find a way out when they get lost, or be Security Food.'

'Security Food?'

'We train Dragons and Trolls as Security Ms. Potter.' Griphook bared his sharp teeth in a smile. 'They're trained to recognize goblins and the owners of the vaults they guard since birth, and eat thieves as snacks. We only check once a decade, only to clean up leftovers...heeheehee...' Helena paled at that as the ride went on.

'Whoaaa!'

xxx

Vault 687...

Helena stared wide-eyed at the pile of money in her vault. Shiny gold, silver and bronze coins in hundreds of piles. 'W-whaaa?'

'Well, this is your Trust Fund.' said Edward. 'We also get living expenses from here by set amounts. The money here is ten times more than enough for our living expenses and school fees. Your dad insisted on this so you can enjoy life before you're 17 wherein by then, you can access the Potter Family Vault.'

'If THIS is my Trust Vault...how much is in there?' Helena croaked out incredulously as she stared at the money. Lots and lots of piles that were...eight feet tall...filling the entire damn room.

'Humm...picture _this_ and multiply by 100.' Al quipped. 'You're set for life by this alone. Literally.'

'No way!'

xxx

After withdrawing money, the brothers made arrangements to have a house built in Hogsmeade after selling their house in Japan, so Helena can visit anytime she wanted. That, and they can use wizarding money since it was easier to understand. However, they wanted some electricity. After some arrangements, the shopping continued and they split up. Helena in Madam Malkins' Robes, Al went for Potions and Ed went for books. After which, they'll buy the rest of the equipment and stationery needed. Regarding Stationery, Helena insisted she wanted a look-see before buying something.

And so, after quite some time...

She took a look. But~!

'...I think I prefer notebooks and ballpens.' she stated flatly as she looked around Stationery in question is piles of parchment, including the girly stationery kinds, the writing materials are feathers and inkwells.

'Yes, but still, you have to buy parchment for quizzes and homework.' said Al. 'Lily said the rolls needed for school are at least, two rolls for homework, quizzes and exams in one year alone. The best quality is vellum parchment so we should buy it too and one paper-cutter. Then for notes, we'll just buy notebooks and fountain pens with ink refilling equipment. That way, fountain pens are better than quills. Less headache too.'

Needless to say, time in Scribbulus, was very short.

Final stop, wands.

'I've been waiting, Ms. Potter.' said Ollivander as he came to greet them. 'Its not so long ago when your parents came to me for their wands.' he chuckled. 'Great people.' he said as he stood up to get armfuls of books. 'They gave you-know-who a brutal end nobody expected and managed to trick them Dark Blighters real good and saved us all. You got big shoes to fill as everyone will heap expectations on you.'

'Right...' said Helena dryly. 'Well, two words; screw them.' Ed looked proud while Al sighed. 'I'll live my life the way I want to live it. I refuse to spend my life pleasing people by doing what they expect me to do.'

'Very well said but people would expect otherwise. It'll be a tough battle...let's see, Willow, 10 inches Unicorn hair, good for Charms...'

Needless to say, Ed and Al transmuted a protective wall to hide behind in from the crazy mishaps wand tryouts make that horrified the brothers.

'Lily never said anything about how crazy wand tryouts can be!' Ed squawked out.

'Maybe she'd rather forget if its THIS crazy, brother!' Al yelped as an explosion followed. 'This is _insane_!'

'Dagnabit, hurry up and luck out, Helena!' Ed wailed at the insanity in the shop. Not even Alchemy is THIS trouble!

'I'm trying already, shuddup!' she was just as horrified and terrified.

100 more wands later...

'Whew...' they were glad to leave the shop with a Paulownia wand, 11 inches, unicorn hair..._good for Transfiguration_. 'Take good care of that damn stick Helena. There's no way I want a second experience.' Edward choked. 'We're too young to have gray hairs.'

'You're sixty-something, you really should have gray hairs by now!' Helena retorted snarkily.

'Hey, we've been sixty yet no gray hairs due to a healthy lifestyle and training. That's a record we're both proud of.' Al chuckled smugly. The brothers, through training and discipline, hardly looked elderly at all. They looked well into their forties instead of their actual age. Many would kill for their secret, only to learn they're doing things the very hard and yet, simple way.

After that, they went to the Muggle World for shopping for notebooks, fountain pens and ink, finally ending their day of insanity that was School Supplies Shopping. And in their hotel, Helena spent the rest of her holidays reading ahead. However, as an Alchemist, she dug more into Potions and Herbology. Ed had bought books about Potions Ingredients, chemical and magical reactions, and how to understand a potion's workings too.

xxx

Hogwarts...

Albus Dumbledore received a letter from Garrick Ollivander. It was about Helena who finally came to the wizarding world with her two guardians who are a pair of brothers with unusually unique traits. Golden-blonde hair and their eyes were just as golden yellow, not the amber werewolves possess. They could also do wandless magic Lily was known for in the days of war but they appear NOT to be wizards as their time in the wand shop freaked them out, and hid behind a wall they conjured after clapping their hands once, and touched his floor to conjure said wall to hide from the usual mishaps of wand shopping, and the young charge was just as freaked out and swore never to break her wand just so she wouldn't have to deal with the 'insane experience ever again'.

Raised by a pair of anonymous guardians the Potters explicitly wholly trusted were these two as nobody knew of their existence. He was curious about these two as the Potters managed to derail the prophecy using that dummy baby while the real Potter child hidden away. Thus Helena was not 'marked as his equal' yet HE chose her...he has many theories. He chose the Potters, not the Longbottoms as James and Lily were far more powerful than Frank and Alice, he felt that Helena is much more worthy as his rival than Neville Longbottom. And the old wizard knew its safe to assume that Helena can also do wandless transfiguration and magic if she is raised by these two.

Who are they?

He wanted to know.

Helena would have been the marked chosen child if not for the trickery of the Potters. And he is sure he would come for her again as he chose her, a half-blood like himself. He would observe the Potter Scion who no doubt, learned wandless transfiguration from the very same people Lily learned from. He wished they told him, but they never did. He would have liked to meet these two people.

xxx

September 1st...

'We got mail Ellie.' said Al as they ate breakfast. The owl from Gringotts came by owl.

'Is our house in Hogsmeade done?' Helena piped up as Al opened the envelope to scan the letter with his eyes.

'Yep. Our house is fully-furnished over there.' said Al much to Ed and Helena's relief. 'We can move in there immediately in fact!'

'Awright!' Ed and Helena cried in delight. Well, new home, here they come. And they'll be using the train too. After breakfast, they double-checked everything they owned, before leaving for the Train Platform. They easily slipped by crowds of parents and boarded the train in a hurry, while carrying their luggages and in Helena's case, their packed lunches.

Ed took to transmuting a small hook on the door, and put a sign that read, 'THIS COMPARTMENT IS FULL. GO ELSEWHERE'.


	3. Chapter 3

Hogwarts

**COMPLAINT BY MUGGLE-BORNS**  
**By: Rita Skeeter**

**This reporter is merely doing her shopping when she encounters**  
**a family of three who have just entered Diagon Alley for the first**  
**time for their young charge. A family of three dressed like classy,**  
**wealthy muggles who looked very disappointed at how our Diagon**  
**Alley looks! Apparently, they have big expectations on what our**  
**Shopping Street should look like, being a magical shopping district;**  
**they expected a world of wonder, only to see 'slums'! Is this how**  
**they see our community for the first time in their lives? That we**  
**live in _slums_? And the only magical things they see are the items**  
**they are here for to purchase?**

**The girl wondered why are we so behind in architecture while the**  
**goblins are not, praising the Grecian(greek) style construction of**  
**their building and wondering why can't we follow? Her father/uncle's**  
**words? 'Ask the dipshits outside the bank or the Government is too**  
**cheap for street overhaul. Guess what community won't see tourists**  
**for the next millennia! They're a turn-off for many tourists from foreign**  
**countries!' the wealthy family was turned-off as it is, what more about**  
**foreign students who chose to attend Hogwarts? If the Ministry does NOT**  
**do some changes, Hogwarts may see less and less students in their**  
**future as no parent would want their children to step into a dingy slum**  
**world. Why in the future, if word spreads, Hogwarts may close down**  
**if parents fear that if Diagon Alley is bad enough, what more about the**  
**school?**

**Although they should know that Hogwarts is nothing like Diagon Alley...**  
**This Reporter took to exploring Muggle London and noted their classy,**  
**clean architecture and even magical expectations and standards of muggles**  
**in their fantasy books and fiction. This reporter is astonished that their**  
**expectations are staggeringly high. Wonderful architecture, clothing, culture**  
**in their fantasy books, as well as their ideas of magic...and we SORELY**  
**disappoint. See Page 2 for Book References about Muggle Fantasy Books**  
**and compare.**

That was the release on the Evening Prophet that night, causing many Howlers to fly into the Ministry regarding concerns about how they represent Magical Britain and many were insulted that they are seen as a community living in dingy, filthy slums by foreigners, and many are worrying about their reputation in the eyes of foreign countries and what they think of Magical Britain, causing national worry. However, to Purebloods on the other hand, are very insulted that Muggles are far better than them regarding standards, something they could not stomach nor accept out of pureblood pride and were furious.

It was one hell of a Ministry Meeting in many departments. And current Hogwarts Entrees this year? 45 compared to past decades of over a hundred! At this rate, Hogwarts may indeed close down! Note that in these 45 students, they are mostly Pure and Half-Bloods who became magical in a few generations. And the numbers of Muggle-borns are so...few. Hogwarts Teachers have even admitted to escorting over 80 families assigned to faculty, but many of them get turned off and decline enrollment in Hogwarts if Diagon Alley did not meet their standards, and sought magical education elsewhere instead, causing nationwide worry. Again.

The Elric Brothers and Helena never knew what trouble they made. And they unknowingly encountered the very woman Ed wanted to avoid.

Next day on the train...Ed and Al were doing many things to entertain themselves. Play poker, talk about their past, Ed misses someone named Mustang, and their wacky adventures before ending up in Earth while Helena took to reading Manga while also interested about her guardians' history.

She felt sorry for them though. Being far away from home...must suck. And they have long given up as Alchemy might screw them over again.

They'd get that fear as Alphonse spent his life inside a frigging armor for three years.

It took until nightfall to get to Hogsmeade Station.

'Now then Ellie, do good in school.' said Al. 'Ed and I will check out our new house and send you photos!'

'Awww...I wanted to see my new room.' Helena grumbled with a pout.

'No can do hun, unless its OK for a student to go home from a ten-minute commute, photos it is.' said Ed to Helena's dismay. 'So we'll have to send letters about that to whoever your Head of House is regarding this, so its not a waste of time to settle in dorms. More privacy too. So off you go.' Helena hugged each of her uncles before following the other First Years for the traditional Boat Ride. Since no one knows what she looks like, things are peaceful for now.

Until she gets sorted, that is. Her parents are famous for blowing ol' Voldy to kingdom come and killed him in the most embarrassing way for him possible. He got blown to bits by a dummy, not a battle. Her parents, has balls of steel. That was one thing she was proud of as a fighter to her parents. She just wished that her mother's body was whole for the funeral though...

There was no lights for the path leading to the lake. It was pitch black to her annoyance. The only person with the source of light, is the giant guy. Only those at front can see where they're going, so those behind have to follow who's at front in order not to get lost.

What's this blatant disregard for their safety by this alone?

Grrr...if not out of respect for her family's memory, she'd change schools in a heartbeat! She shared a boat with three others, and finally, there was light. The light from Hogwarts Castle.

'Finally, something out of Walt Disney.' she muttered. Lake? Check. Forest. Check. Castle? Check. Now upon getting inside, led by a witch into the Great Hall...a hall full of floating candles, four long tables, all occupied by students in black robes and pointy hats. Now that she looks at it in her perspective, everyone dressed in Halloween Costumes over school uniforms.

The Sorting Hat began to sing its song.

Oh you may not think I'm pretty,  
But don't judge on what you see,  
I'll eat myself if you can find  
A smarter hat than me.

You can keep your bowlers black,  
Your top hats sleek and tall,  
For I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat  
And I can cap them all.

There's nothing hidden in your head  
The Sorting Hat can't see,  
So try me on and I will tell you  
Where you ought to be.

You might belong in Gryffindor,  
Where dwell the brave at heart,  
Their daring, nerve, and chivalry  
Set Gryffindors apart;

You might belong in Hufflepuff,  
Where they are just and loyal,  
Those patient Hufflepuffs are true  
And unafraid of toil;

Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,  
if you've a ready mind,  
Where those of wit and learning,  
Will always find their kind;

Or perhaps in Slytherin  
You'll make your real friends,  
Those cunning folks use any means  
To achieve their ends.

So put me on! Don't be afraid!  
And don't get in a flap!  
You're in safe hands (though I have none)  
For I'm a Thinking Cap!

The crowd applaused as the Deputy Headmistress McGonagall unrolled a parchment scroll. 'When I call your name, you must sit on the stool and put on the hat. Abbott Hannah!' a blonde girl stepped forward to put on the hat. People went to four houses one by one or in succession of threes. Finally, her turn came.

'Potter, Helena!' Helena inwardly groaned as all eyes are on her. Indeed, she has big shoes to fill. She is the tallest girl among her peers with no baby fat whatsoever from her training, making her look slightly older than her age suggested, wears her uniform customized as it hugs her figure, and the only girl to have above-the-knee spandex socks, and brown loafers, not black mary janes like most girls sported. Her hair is also the longest, reaching up to her rear in a loose braid, tied with a white clip. She walked to the stool with an air of refined grace and sat on the stool. However, her sorting was just as short as Draco Malfoy, as before the Deputy Headmistress could even move the hat above her head, the hat declared two houses.

'RAVENCLAW AND GRYFFINDOR!'

The hall stared at the hat. Someone in two houses?

'Hey, I can't split myself in two you know!' Helena grumbled at the hat.

'Your intelligence and memory is exceptionally high as is your levels bravery, courage and daring on equal levels, given your upbringing Ms. Potter.' said the Sorting Hat sagely. 'Even I cannot decide where you should go, so I'm giving you the floor.'

'You're kidding!'

'I kid you not, so choose.' the hall began whispering at this highly unusual event as Helena took out a small notepad and a pen, wrote something, ripped the paper in half and crumpled both into a ball in one hand each, put them in the hat and shook it, causing the hat to complain. 'Hey! Don't turn me into a lottery box!' the hat complained from the rigorous shaking.

'What, this is to be fair. Its just once a century, man up and deal with it!' Helena snarked as soon, she gave the hat to McGonagall who sighed and drew a paper ball and uncrumpled it and her face beamed as everyone knew what that means...

'Gryffindor!' she declared as Gryffindor roared in cheers of 'We got Potter! We got Potter!' Ravenclaw on the other hand, looked like they were cheated out of Christmas and one of the professors on the staff table groaned, looking just as disappointed. The sorting ended with Blaise Zabini being a Slytherin. As everyone was fully-seated, the Headmaster stood up.

'Welcome!' he cried. 'Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our feast, I'd like to say a few words: Nitwit, oddment, blubber, and tweak! Thank you!'

Helena gaped incredulously.

Great. The Headmaster is a weirdo. After he sat down, the food appeared and she was horrified.

The food looks good but the way its cooked, its swimming in too much oil and grease! She picked food that was the least oily as possible, and mostly ate soup. She is sooo visiting the kitchens tomorrow! After the unhealthy, obesity and diabetes-inducing food, dessert appeared, which she ate most of to compensate for lack of dinner, and forced herself to stomach down the pumpkin juice. To her, it was...bleeeech. She ignored her peers who were trying to get to know each other by self-introducing themselves.

At last, the desserts too disappeared, and Professor Dumbledore got to his feet again. The hall fell silent.

'Ahern - just a few more words now that we are all fed and watered. I have a few start-of-term notices to give you. First years should note that the forest on the grounds is forbidden to all pupils. And a few of our older students would do well to remember that as well.'

Dumbledore's twinkling eyes flashed in the direction of the Weasley twins.

'I have also been asked by Mr. Filch, the caretaker, to remind you all that no magic should be used between classes in the corridors. Quidditch trials will be held in the second week of the term. Anyone interested in playing for their house teams should contact Madam Hooch. And finally, I must tell you that this year, the third-floor corridor on the right-hand side is out of bounds to everyone who does not wish to die a very painful death.'

'And now, before we go to bed, let us sing the school song!' cried Dumbledore. Helena noticed that the other teachers' smiles had become rather fixed. And they have a very good reason because...

The school hymn sucks.


	4. Chapter 4

Crazy School Days

Eyes were on Helena Potter the next day.

She has milky fair skin that further emphasized her bright green eyes, rosy lips and the blush on her flushed cheeks as a result of the cold weather in the north, making her look like a bisque doll. She is tall and attractive for her age and she's particularly baffled at how her fame treats her.

People gawking and whispering while glancing at her.

Not subtle aren't they?

She's famous for being the child of two heroic tricksters and a girl first in history for belonging to two Houses. Which means she can go between two houses as she likes. And she's the only one...not wearing her black robes as she walks around. She didn't like it much as she has trouble having the darn thing stay put on her, got frustrated and just dumped it on the floor. But the professors insist she wear one due to the cold weather. So she adjusted her robes to become form-fitting through Alchemy and this time, as long as she wears the prescribed uniform, the professors have nothing against customization and Helena got what she wanted, the stupid robes finally stuck to her body instead of falling off or sagging. Thus a trend began. People started customizing their uniforms.

In transfiguration, she showed she has the same talent as her family. But on occasions when she could, she cheats in Alchemy as long as she follows the rules. Well, you can't exactly make a cup out of a poor rat with Alchemy...you'll get a Rebound! So if McGonagall asks that they change an item's appearance using the item provided to them, she could do it with Alchemy.

In Charms, since she has her mother's notes and point of view about magic, that magic is knowledge on how it works(Latin pronunciation included), imagination, wishing it to happen, picture both at the same time and then saying the spell, releasing magic to power it up to make it happen which applies to ALL spells. After all, magic isn't just waving wands, saying funny words and then expect something to happen...a mistake almost everybody makes. They think they'll just let their magic energy do all the work for them! With these steps in mind, she's a star in Transfiguration and Charms.

DADA was a disappointment. The teacher is always stuttering, afraid of his own damn shadow and someone like THIS teaches Defense?

Herbology is uh...science. Science about plants. How they are raised and grow, and magical properties that aid in Potions. Particularly medicine. She just hated the damn Venemous Tentacula...it keeps creeping up her skirt and she complained about it...by raising a mound of earth where the plant is. 'Stay away from me you damn perverted plant!'

'Ms. Potter, language!' Professor Sprout scolded.

'It keeps creeping up my skirt, damn lecher!' everybody sweatdropped.

After that, its History of Magic. It was...a free nap time, according to her parents' notes. And she's better off studying on her damn own as half of what Binns was talking about would NOT be in OWLs and NEWTs as the ghost is 'trapped' in a period where Wizards are still against Goblins. And then there's Astronomy every Wednesday at Midnight where the skies are at its clearest and a time when stars can easily be seen with their Telescopes.

And at Potions...she got the impression that the man didn't like her much...and ruthlessly quizzed her. Too bad she knows her stuff. And when she took off her robes during making a Boil Cure Potion...she simply said that the sagging sleeves is getting in her way and a security risk in her work, but she'll put it back on after his class. She is seated beside her Housemate, Neville Longbottom...and she managed to stop him from making a mistake and disaster that she took to keeping an eye on him.

That, and stop Slytherins from tossing something in their Cauldrons in an attempt to sabotage their work. However, she has a limited range thus could not really deflect other attempts...

In her classes, since its just the first month, things were easy on them with no homework. But at the end of said month, they were all required to have an essay about everything they learned this month. And the time First Years can go and sign up for Extra-Curricular Activities. She signed up for Hogwarts Orchestra as the other activities are only accessible to Third Year and up but the spare spaces available were Flutist and Harpsichordist. She chose to be a Flutist and she has to get her own flute before she joins lessons at December. So she asked her guardians by Cellphone to buy her one...

Since her Cellphone works(she owns a Nokia Cityman 190), she was asked how since electronics do NOT work in Hogwarts or any magical place for that matter.

Helena said she asked Goblins about it and they said that the service for it is in Knockturn Alley so they went there to have their phones customized for a price of 20 Galleons since they have to customize it so it works in both Muggle and Magic Worlds and consumes both electricity and magical energy with self-charging features that utilizes a 'very complicated magic work' hence the price.

Not everybody could afford 20 Galleons' worth of instant communications...

xxx

Albus Dumbledore contemplated in his office. He received reports from his Professors about their new First Years that he reads. Out of ahem, bias, he looked at what they said about Helena first.

Transfiguration: She clearly has her parents' talent and skill in Transfiguration, particularly the wandless skill!(this summed up his Deputy Headmistress' long gushing of glee)

Charms: She perfects every spell with little to no effort, she's raised well by her guardians I'm shocked they're muggles, but they know their stuff! Good teachers equals good learners!(direct to the point, Filius)

Herbology: She has...something against plants, particularly the vined ones that somehow creeps and ahem, 'gropes' her in her legs she's often hot-tempered in my class, running her foul mouth and many times I have to stop her from running her mouth and teaching everyone crass language in her rage or blowing up the greenhouse with her magic in anger! I have to keep vined plants away in the first week and she's all good again...but not for long, we have to cover everything! Other than that, her Academics are great.(OOOK?)

Astronomy: This girl is the only one awake in my class as if she's used to staying up in the wee hours of the night, greatly helping in her course work. And she knows Muggle Astronomy TOO WELL she must understand the way we Magicals see it and I'm shocked a Muggle actually stepped on the Moon as she claims...some man named Armstrong? I'll have to look into that...(Really now? Travel outside the Earth is possible?)

Potions: She isn't a typical dunderhead twit. She actually opened her books and studied so she does well in my class. She also took to watching over Longbottom as the dunderhead keeps making disastrous mistakes and she averts before he could make it. Since she takes this subject seriously unlike most idiots, I have no complaints(sigh...)

Defense Against the Dark Arts: She's quiet in my class and she's frowning so much she looks constipated...or maybe its the smell of garlic in my class but I don't want any vampire near me! She's good at understanding the workings of Defense Spells and presents her own logic when called to recite...somehow, she has five or ten other ways to use one spell I end up learning from her too...very smart girl she may be a talented duelist one day.(Oho?)

Well, History of Magic sent no report as usual. Ghosts can't write! Its usually a hidden employee who knows his history who actually does the grading! But he DID say that everyone is sleeping off in the class and Binns hardly caring, not that he blames them...

xxx

Sometime, third week of October, Thursday, Flying Lessons would start with Gryffindor and Slytherin sharing classes. Everyone also talked about Quidditch as if its the hottest topic since J-POP Idols. But she saw nothing interesting about it, a sentiment shared by some Muggleborns as they don't see what's so interesting. But unlike others, she kept her mouth shut.

90 percent of the population are fanatics. If there's one thing you must NOT do around fanatics, do NOT insult what they er...like so much. A mistake one Dean Thomas made when he argued with Ron Weasley about Soccer and how it's much better than Quidditch.

On that much-awaited Thursday, at Three-Thirty, It was a clear, breezy day, and the grass rippled under their feet as they marched down the sloping lawns toward a smooth, flat lawn on the opposite side of the grounds to the forbidden forest, whose trees were swaying darkly in the distance.

The Slytherins were already there, and so were twenty broomsticks lying in neat lines on the ground. Helena had heard Fred and George Weasley complain about the school brooms, saying that some of them started to vibrate if you flew too high, or always flew slightly to the left. Their teacher, Madam Hooch, arrived. She had short, gray hair, and yellow eyes like a hawk.

'Well, what are you all waiting for?' she barked. 'Everyone stand by a broomstick. Come on, hurry up.' everyone rushed to choose wherever they'd start. Classmate peer separation obviously separate as it was common knowledge that Gryffindors and Slytherins loathed each other so the new generation of firsties did just that. To those from pure and half-blood families, that animosity ran for generations with Muggleborns just following by example.

Helena glanced down at her broom. It was old and some of the twigs stuck out at odd angles.

'Stick out your right hand over your broom,' called Madam Hooch at the front, 'and say 'Up!'' she instructed.

'UP!' everyone shouted. In her father's notes, when calling a broom to come up, the user must not have a shred of fear, and actually wish the broom to come up along with the desire to fly. Helena's broom jumped into her hand at once, but it was one of the few that did. Hermione Granger's had simply rolled over on the ground, and Neville's hadn't moved at all. Perhaps brooms, like horses, could tell when you were afraid, thought Helena; there was a quaver in Neville's voice that said only too clearly that he wanted to keep his feet on the ground. Not that she blamed him. Madam Hooch then showed them how to mount their brooms without sliding off the end, and walked up and down the rows correcting their grips.

'Now, when I blow my whistle, you kick off from the ground, hard,' said Madam Hooch. 'Keep your brooms steady, rise a few feet, and then come straight back down by leaning forward slightly. On my whistle - three- two -'

But Neville, nervous and jumpy and frightened of being left on the ground, pushed off hard before the whistle had touched Madam Hooch's lips.

'Come back, boy!' she shouted, but Neville was rising straight up like a cork shot out of a bottle - twelve feet - twenty feet. Helena saw his scared white face look down at the ground falling away, saw him gasp, slip sideways off the broom and -WHAM - a thud and a nasty crack and Neville lay facedown on the grass in a heap. His broomstick was still rising higher and higher, and started to drift lazily toward the forbidden forest and out of sight.

Madam Hooch was bending over Neville, her face as white as his.

'Broken wrist,' Helena heard her mutter. 'Come on, boy - it's all right, up you get.' She turned to the rest of the class. 'None of you is to move while I take this boy to the hospital wing! You leave those brooms where they are or you'll be out of Hogwarts before you can say 'Quidditch.' Come on, dear.' Neville, his face tear-streaked, clutching his wrist, hobbled off with Madam Hooch, who had her arm around him. No sooner were they out of earshot than Malfoy burst into laughter while Helena subtly summoned the fallen Remembrall that fell off Neville's pocket and hid it.

'Did you see his face, the great lump?' The other Slytherins joined in.

'Shut up, Malfoy,' snapped Parvati Patil.

'Ooh, sticking up for Longbottom?' said Pansy Parkinson, a hard-faced Slytherin girl. "Never thought you'd like fat little crybabies, Parvati.' Helena knew there's an impending quarrel...

Maybe Madam Hooch should just have asked a student to take Neville off to the Hospital Wing so she can watch over this volatile lot...and indeed, a fight broke out and that's what Madam Hooch got back to. And there's not much two Gryffindor Girls can do...needless to say, all of them are in trouble and since she's the only one without bias, she offered her memories of the incident as words and stories change.

Needless to say, a lot of people got detention and only two are spared. The 'Incident' spread in school in no time and since Malfoy started it all...


	5. Chapter 5

Halloween

Friday, that same week...

Half the first year population is in trouble for fighting at their first flying lessons and with Helena's memories, nobody can lie their way out of trouble and would be serving detention that weekend from morning till dinnertime, with everyone bar three losing five points each for fighting and another five for every spell cast in the fight, and three points for brawling and there's 11 Gryffindors but 8 of them lost five points and Slytherin has also 11 students, thus Gryffindor lost 155 points while Slytherin lost 185 points when the memory is taken into account and upon careful viewing by the Faculty, Prefects and Head Boy and Girl. This was the first time a fight broke out in a whole class. To those who had siblings in Hogwarts, said siblings owled home about the incident and parents sent Howlers in turn. The only lucky ones to avoid this, were the Muggleborns who have no siblings as their parents were not mailed(the Professors still managed to notify them a few days later anyway and get scolding letters) and did not receive a 'yelling letter' today. Something they were glad about. That, and muggles could not make Howlers.

The loudest Howler was that of Molly Weasley's, the mother of the Weasley brood and those who sat near Ronald Weasley had the misfortune of hearing very loud angry shrieks that out-volume the others.

The only one spared from the Howler was Neville Longbottom as he was injured that day and thus, not involved in the fighting. But he DID get a scolding from Madam Hooch about his 'stunt' and explained that brooms respond to their rider's minds...and it played with his fears by acting on it so before riding a broom next lesson, he must not be afraid or expect worse case scenarios like he did so the broom will 'not mess with him again'. And Hermione Granger is glad for her goody-two-shoes persona that she did not lose five points in her own standing and not a weekend's worth of detention that made jinxes and hexes at her by Slytherins worth it but she has to stay for five days in the Hospital Wing to sort herself out under Madam Pomfrey's TLC.

The Mediwitch thought the girl oughta set her priorities straight, valuing points more than her own well-being.

The upperclassmen of Gryffindor and Slytherin were not happy with losing a huge chunk of points, something not even the Weasley Twins had managed to accomplish as their pranks were 'cheap costs' compared to something of this magnitude. Even the twins themselves weren't happy with this and consoled themselves that Slytherin lost more than they did. And Snape was reportedly frothing in the mouth at his snakes for losing them so much points.

The one who's in the most trouble was Draco Malfoy as he started the sparks and he was cowering from his mother's howler followed by his father's cool, condescending and clearly-disappointed tone with him...for getting caught.

Not only that, her own peers were giving her dirty looks for ratting them out but how can she if Hooch caught THEM? She didn't exactly tattle. All she did was give a memory of the incident and let the teachers decide their fate as nobody would admit to their faults and lie their way out.

Around the last day of October...she got her flute from her two uncles. A silver Muramatsu EX Model worth 2390 pounds complete with a case and owner's manual and care guide. And she kept it as club starts on December, so she hides it as a flute made of silver can be...tempting...but that didn't stop her from practicing the notes again and confident she did not forget her elementary lessons in Japan...and upon learning its workings, she could play songs again and mostly played...Japanese songs since its all she knew.

In the meantime, she excelled in her schoolwork. Both academics and practicals, she's easily a rising student soaring the ranks. And her homework? Perfect. AND in her own logic within the Professors' required length and size of parchment. She isn't like Granger who submits more than what was required and...is she plagiarizing off books? Because last she checked, she saw some of the words word-for-word in page 29 in their Charms Book...dear lord. And she's surprised that after all that effort, she gets a low mark? All that buttering up went the wrong way. Really now. Of course plagiarizing is a crime. That and she's just verbally parroting what's in the books. Its not her own freaking knowledge and understanding of the lessons which is what the teachers WANT to see if the students are really learning. They know about the damn books already. Of course they wouldn't be impressed.

Book smarts is nothing if not applied to practice.

With teachers like the Elric Brothers, she's a much better student than anyone in Hogwarts.

xxx

Halloween...

She went to the Transfiguration Office that morning after breakfast since classes start at nine and breakfast ends at 8:30, giving her enough time to talk.

'Professor?' she said as she knocked. 'Anybody in?'

'Come in.' Helena then went inside. 'Oh, Ms. Potter, what can I do for you?' Professor McGonagall asked her.

'Since its a weekend tomorrow...can I go away for a bit?' Helena asked the Professor whose eyebrows rose. 'Every year we visit my parents' grave on their Death Anniversary.'

'Oh, is that so...but there's no train running this time of the year.' McGonagall pointed out.

'Oh that's OK. My guardians prepared Gringotts Portkeys so we'll be back by night.' said Helena. 'They're waiting in a private place.'

'I will talk about this with the Headmaster and see if he will allow you to go.' said McGonagall. 'Wait for my answer around dinner tonight.'

'Thanks for the consideration.' Helena bowed politely before excusing herself, leaving the elderly witch to sigh. She did not see this coming...oh really, would someone who lost family on Halloween want to celebrate it?

xxx

'So that's what she requests?' Albus asked McGonagall as she brought the matter up. 'And they're somewhere nearby?' he twitched. They're muggles, of course they cannot be detected! But how could they get into Hogsmeade? They're somewhere nearby...and the only civilized place near Hogwarts is Hogsmeade and Dufftown which is further away!

'Yes but I'm worried about the reaction of students if we allow her this request though. We'll be seen as giving Special Treatment even though its a reasonable request.' said McGonagall softly.

'Indeed...but just this once, I like to meet these men. So we may use this to our advantage tonight.'

xxx

And so...classes went on...and then around late afternoon on the way to Herbology after Charms Class...she saw her dormmate roughly shove Weasley away. For what?

She soon found out why around Dinnertime while getting an owl. "That's weird, those two would call me by phone, not by bird." she opened the letter to read that,

**Ms. Potter,**

**We would wish to meet your guardians after**  
** dinnertime. Its for...a very long, overdue chat.**

**Headmaster Dumbledore**

"Overdue eh...?" she raised an eyebrow as she took out a cell phone and dialed some numbers...with the Headmaster and Transfiguration Professor glancing her way. Its no news that she owns a Cellphone that somehow works in magical areas thanks to a tinkerer in Knockturn Alley and not everyone could afford the price, much to the chagrin of some muggleborns who have to deal with Owl Post. 'H'llo, Ed, you and Al might wanna come to school. The teachers want a little teacher-guardian-conference.' she said while taking some food for herself. 'Yeah, you can mooch dinner off here. Yeah...yeah...I know where the kitchens are thanks to a pair of mischievous twins in my dorm...haha, locate the basement and look for a painting with a still-life fruit bowl and tickle the Pear. The House Elves will be more than happy to accommodate you. Yeah...see you guys after dinner at the grounds. Look for a place with a Cabin near a Pumpkin Patch, I'll pick you up there after dinner.' and she put the phone away.

While having dinner...Professor Quirrell burst into the Great Hall, yelling, 'TROOOOOLL! TROLL IN THE DUNGEON!' everyone fell silent when Professor Quirrell came sprinting into the hall, his turban askew and terror on his face. Everyone stared as he reached Professor Dumbledore's chair, slumped against the table, and gasped, 'T-thought you ought to know...' and he fainted...or did he? He fell forward, that Helena could understand but he guarded his fall with his hands at the last minute.

The girls screamed and panic ensued with Helena glaring at the 'fainted' man on the floor. It took a few firecrackers from the Professor's wand to get their attention.

'SILENCE!' the aged Headmaster barked as everyone shut up. 'Prefects, lead your housemates back to your dormitories, immediately!' he commanded as the Prefects rose to action and the Gryffindor Prefect Percy Weasley is in his element as if he's the only responsible Prefect. Has he forgotten that each house has six prefects...?

'Follow me! Stick together, first years! No need to fear the troll if you follow my orders! Stay close behind me, now. Make way, first years coming through! Excuse me, I'm a prefect!' then again, he too, wanted to run away from the Troll but alas, responsible people must lead them sheep.

"Well, time for me to have fun." Helena licked her lips as she snuck away, taking advantage of the panic. She went out...Troll Hunting. But she took out her phone. 'Al! You in school now? Ah, the Basements? Yeah, wanna go Troll Hunting with me? Yeah, a Troll got into the school. Check the Dungeons since you guys are in the Basement, I'll check the area around the Ground Floor. Thanks! Tonight's the only time people like us gets to have fun, let's use it well! Magic doesn't work so our tricks should do it...oh, and they stink like shit! Follow the shitty smell and we get our shit!'

xxx

'She really should tone down that crass language...' Al moaned miserably as they wore their shades which they took off, showing their golden yellow eyes. 'Follow a really bad odor and we get our Troll.'

'Yeah, this is probably the only time we get to have fun in our lives as old men! C'mon Al!' Ed grinned as they went out, sniffing while evading running and fleeing students. Nothing in the Dungeons and Basement, so Ground Floor it is...

They then heard a scream.

'Upstairs!' Ed cried as they ran upstairs and started smelling a foul odor.

'Pee-yuuu...it smells worse than shit.' Ed gagged. 'The closer we are, the worse it smells!' not far from them was Helena attracting it to her by casting Stunners.

'Osoi! Isoide!' Helena nagged them. 'Sore ga kusee de boku yatto joshi toire daremo!(it stinks in here and I saved whoever's in the girls' loo)'

'Right...c'mon Al!' Ed cried as the two brothers leapt into action, taking suits of armor they changed into swords and axes, leaping into the kill while Helena sat in a carefree manner by the windowsill, watching the fray...and that's how the Teachers saw them.

'What on earth...?!' Professor Sprout gasped as they saw two blonde men having way too much fun with the Troll.

'Oh, you're late.' Helena quipped dryly. 'My guardians got here before you did.'

'What on earth are they doing...aren't they muggles?!' Professor McGonagall choked out.

'Well, Muggles who know expert combat skills are the only ones who can kill Trolls easily due to their Magic-Resistant Hides. Blades, firearms, and explosives will do the trick.' Helena shrugged. 'They know their stuff, been doing that for years, so meh.' she said boredly.

'Your guardians...eh?' the Headmaster mused as the two killed the Troll with little to no trouble.

'Man, yeah, we get action but Trolls are boring.' Ed complained. 'Anything more challenging than THIS?'

'Oh, the Forest!' Helena said cheerfully. 'A colony of huge-ass spiders the size of houses, territorial Centaurs who have nasty mood swings worse than women on PMS and other nasties! Been there a few times and it was great!'

'Ms. Potter!' the female Professors gasped in horror that she had been there and...whatever she did there and WHEN?!

'So, I've been hearing that you are Ms. Potter's guardians.' said Headmaster Dumbledore. 'May we talk in my office?'

'Ehhh sure. Every school has a PTC anyway.' said Ed with a shrug.

'Not magic schools Ed.' Helena sighed. 'This place is a dorm school, they have no use for that when they almost got the whole year looking after a bunch of kids.'

'Oh, I see.'


End file.
